You might notice, by the time you have received this letter, that I have left-away from the community, from this place that feels like it's suffocating me little by little each day I stay here. The lack of freedom, of choice...it was just too much for me to bear, so prison-like. So I fled-perhaps looking for another place, where I could have freedom, and make my own choices. To live my life fully, with emotions. But I didn't do it for myself. I also wanted everyone to feel what I could feel, and that would only be attainable by what I have been given: memories of the time before our generation, and more generations back, before we transferred to Sameness. Maybe when you will understand better why I left after all my memories return to the community. But for now, and until that happens, you must be wondering why I decided to leave, suddenly and forever. Choice and freedom: what exactly is it?
You must understand that there is more to society and life then what we-you-have now. Life...it contains emotions, love, hatred, sorrow, joy...those are all part of life. Life also holds friendship and family, real and true, for all that you could actually feel. Though society may not always be perfect, like the one we had back here in our very own Utopia, there still were flaws. You were trained in the arts of Releasing, I assume? Though you may not realize it, death is always, always a cruel thing, no matter if it is done in the most peaceful way without any pain. I had just recently witness my father put a helpless twin to sleep; to death. You could not comprehend the sorrow I felt, how painful it was to watch the one you love betray your trust. Hopefully, one day, you will realize this. The Giver had once told me, "Making choices are frightening." But I believe they are necessary. We did not get to choose our jobs at the Ceremony of Twelve-think how amazing it would be to choose our jobs, to do what we loved. In fact, think about it: if we were to marry the ones we really loved, to spend the rest of our lives with our loved one just as our ancestors had done generations ago, there would be so many things we could do.
Love is a big thing, isn't it? Though my feelings were hurt when I asked my parents whether or not they loved me, when they replied, "Love is a very generalized word, so meaningless that it's become almost obsolete," I still loved my parents, still loved Lilly. You Fiona, I think you had also experienced love, when you took care of our elders. But trust me, that itself is nothing compared to the love you feel when you have the memories. This is another reason of why I left: to give everyone, including you, a chance to feel. Life is more then simply doing what we are told to do.
So, please don't worry about me, because I'm safe with Gabriel. Please tell my parents and Lily that I miss them, and The Giver that I hope he succeeds. Tell Asher that I hope he's okay, and hopefully his job goes well. Tell everyone, each of our friends, our teachers, the ones that helped us, that I sorely miss them, and hope that their lives go on well, and that I hope they appreciate the things they will be able to feel when they have the memories. And last of all, Fiona, I miss you lots, and hope that everyone can have the chance to sense your compassion. Please go on well, and visit my family often for me. For the times I could've seen them again if I had not left.
Someday, you may thank me for my efforts, though you may despise me for the pain you must go through bearing the memories. And maybe one day, we may see each other again.
Jonas
No comments:
Post a Comment